


He Wants the D

by InsominiacArrest



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Pining, Some Fluff, sort of, what are these boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 02:37:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8648512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsominiacArrest/pseuds/InsominiacArrest
Summary: JJ continues to ask Seung out and Seung is not having it.Jean-Jacques Leroy wants the D.





	

**Author's Note:**

> not meant to be taken too seriously

JJ Leroy had a plan. It was a great plan and he was pretty sure it would get him laid, or maybe just some hanky-panky and a reach around. He was ready either way.

JJ was always up for a challenge, multiple challenges, maximum challenges, a backward flip during a program, fuck he didn’t care. And he was up for a stony-faced handsome Korean man in a hoodie- he had a thing for nice eyebrows and bird-outfits with every color of the rainbow.

The hallway he stood in was sterile and carpeted in a garish red pattern that JJ referred to as ‘The Blood of the Tsars Punishing us for our Sins, The Fabric.’ Seung Gil Lee was hauling ass down that narrow hotel hall with the efficiency of professional speed walker.

JJ intercepted him with an elegant swoop and extension of his leg.

“Sooo,” JJ swung around before Seung could dodge him, the skater tries anyway, JJ expands his entire body out like a star-fish. “Come here often?”

Seung’s mouth falls open and it could have been a gasp, a swoon, JJ smiles wider. “Because I think I’ve seen you in my dreams.”

“Fuck.” Seung got out.

“Okay.” JJ was impressed it was that easy.

“Off.”  
  
JJ frowns and then recovers with a wink, “Only if you come with me...The sexy kind of come.”  
  
Seung groans and threads his hands through his hair. “I don’t want to hurt you.”  
  
JJ raises an eyebrow, “What if I wanted you to hurt me?” Flirting 101.

Seung Gil Lee gets on his knees and literally crawls through his legs like it’s the Eiffel tower game and he was the tower, JJ tries to close his knees or land on him, but the man was fast.

Seung dashed up to his feet, he walks backward with his middle finger in the air, “You’re lucky bad press hurts scores.”  
  
“What does that mean?” JJ calls after him, “Which type of score?”

Seung took a key card out and slipped into his room without looking back, and JJ didn’t have a chance to ask for his number or if he wanted to try to a Canadian Kiss (which he invented himself, it was like a normal kiss but slightly colder).

*******************

Seung had no idea what an international restraining order would look like, something like a restraining order in every country ever, it was something he would like to bring up to the UN board of fuckboy-awareness at some point.

Maybe if he just asked Canada real nicely they would just give JJ a sedative and maybe a neutering, let him suck on a maple leaf and watch hockey for the next five years or so.

Jean-Jacques Leroy was standing outside his hotel room at 11 at night without a shirt on. He was doing something like singing, he hoped that was singing.

“Seung, Seung, you have that style, got that grace, I want to----” Seung banged his head on the door multiple times, “In my face.”

“Leroy…” He warns through the door as he peeks through the eyehole to see him kneeling shirtless with fantastically sparkly silver pants on.

“We could make a beautiful power couple! I have the personality, the ability, the prowess, and you...have that face that could kill a man.” JJ had somehow managed to get ahold of a guitar and he strummed it absently. If there was a God, it did not like Seung.

“I’m working on it.” He answers blankly.

“Mean! Think of how handsome the children will be….little Canadian-Korean power skaters…” Seung thunked his head hard against the door again.

“Go to sleep!” Seung was feeling somewhere above his recommended blood pressure limits and below the fires of hell. “We compete again tomorrow.”

“Beautiful, I can compete on any amount of sleep. No sleep,” he winks, “Stay up all night really. I’m _the_ king.”

“I’ve heard.” Seung grumbles.

“Want to be my queen?”  
  
“I want to be your Henry the 8th.” His history classes were paying off.

“You know, I really do like to see this from you! Emotions. Harsh on the outside, red hot on the inside, I can work with that.” He plucked a few off-key notes on his guitar. “We’d be good together.”

“Too bad.” He crosses his arms across his chest, “I’m not interested.”  
  
JJ frowns for the first time and his fingers stop working over his instrument, “We haven’t even grabbed coffee yet. You should at least try a ride on the Canadian ice prince!”

Seung was considering screaming into a pillow, he didn’t want to hear that sentence ever again. “Unless you have any value outside of testing my self-restraint, then I really don’t care.”  
  
“Uh,” JJ touched his chest with his face shifting to offended. “That’s not how you talk to suitors. You’ll be alone forever, even Yuuri Katsuki can get a date this season.”

“Eat my ass.” Seung replies blankly.  
  
“ _I’m trying_.” He whines back through the door with his face finally faltering, Seung suppresses a brief laugh before recovering his composure.

“I’m calling the front desk.” Seung finally says, screw bad press.

JJ sighs and picks up his guitar, Seung watches him through the peephole. “Seung Gil Lee you are very, very attractive…”  
  
“Okay?” Seung was waiting for the next part.

“That’s it.”

Seung shook his head and told him he was picking up the phone right now.

“I’ll be around!” JJ says for some reason and waves at him as he walks back down the hall and Seung can finally go back to sleep.

***************

So things weren’t working exactly how JJ intended, a little like not at all how he intended. Seung was supposed to be put-off by everyone else in the world and fall to his knees at only the touch of Jean-Jacques.

That couldn’t be too much to ask for.

He gnawed on his lip and tried to think of a new game plan, pick-up lines were tried, serenading somehow failed, even the coffee date was rejected.

He even left a cup of hot tea outside his door this morning, that had to count for something.

He sighs and turns to his couch, “Hey! I’m going out for a walk.”  
  
“We only have so much time.” His coach said as they made a face and JJ shrugged.

  
“Be right back, really.” He assures with a big thumbs up.  
  
His coach sighs and shoos him off, they did have a couple hours before JJ needed to stretch. JJ takes a long walk in the brisk Russian air.

He’s trying to cover his nose and not think of Toronto winters right now with nostalgia when he spots Yuuri Katsuki talking on the phone with a hushed tone. He curiously wanders over closer to him.  
  
“I know, I know, but he’s really okay?” He asks as JJ saddles up nearby to him. “Thank God. Okay. No, I’ll be fine, I-”  
  
The voice says something from the other end and Yuuri cheeks light up like a forest fire in June, “I love you too.” It was soft and delicate and blew away in the wind to slap JJ in the face.

Yuuri walks away and JJ stands there for a very, very long moment trying to process how much ass Yuuri Katsuki must actually be getting. JJ hums to himself and stretches up to sky. It was gray and JJ looked at all the shops up and down the lane.

*******************

Seung was doing early stretches, you couldn’t stretch too early for competitions and you could drive out a lot of annoying thoughts with Madonna at full blast.

He leans forward and shifts his hips back and forth.

He hears a low whistle behind him and he freezes, the end was nye. He sighs and turns around, taking the effort to even take his headphones out.

“I hate you.” He says before anything else.

JJ looks like a sad puppy and takes something out from behind his back, it was a bouquet of flowers, Seung scowls.

“I like the way you skate.” JJ almost seemed restrained as he stepped forward.  
  
Seung blinks and scratches his ear absently, “I want a divorce.”  
  
“I brought you flowers!” He juts the bouquet forward, “They are kinda cold, like you, from the winter outside, but I like them. And so I thought, you might!” He beams and Seung suddenly doesn’t know what to do.

“I don’t want them.” He goes to an old classic.

JJ wilted in place, “Fiiiiine,” He huffed, “One smile and I’ll leave.”  
  
Seung can’t help but snort and cover his face, “A smile?”  
  
“Or literally your dick, but I’m working with what I have here.”  
  
Seung laughs again and he isn’t sure if JJ Leroy was real or if he really was the guy who kissed his reflection in the ice yesterday.

“There! A laugh.” JJ beams and Seung looks away.

“Not for you.” Seung huffs and it sounds more like a pout than anything even to his own ears.

JJ tried to give him the flowers again, “Here. I _really_ like the way you skate.”

Seung looks at the bouquet for a very, very long moment. “I’m allergic.” He lied and was feeling a little too warm around the collar.  
  
“And I’m in love!”

“Fuck,” Seung pinches the bridge of his nose, “Please say it’s just with yourself.”  
  
JJ snickers, “Yeah, okay... Just messing with you.” Seung accidently twitches his lips up and smiles just at that, JJ yells in delight, "Ha! There. The sun comes out." Seung rolls his eyes and gives a sigh.

He very slowly, slowly reaches out and takes the flowers. “You’re lucky you’re my competition and sportsmanship and so on.” He grumbles and inspects the brightly colored petals.

“Yeah!” JJ leans on some of the lockers and stares right at him, “You know I am excited we’re competition, I like actual challengers.”  
  
Seung tilts his head, “Thanks I guess.”

JJ’s smile widens even further if that was possible, “Coffee?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“One night stand.”  
  
“Double no.”

Seung walks up to him languidly, JJ continues to list things, “A dramatic kiss on the ice in front of millions of people.”  
  
Seung can’t help but snort again, he circles JJ slowly until they are face to face. “No.”

He finishes circling him like a shark and gets up on his toes and kisses him on the nose, JJ, the King, freezes up and Seung watches his face overcome with a red wave of color. Seung gives another cool smile and then turns away.

“Break a leg out there.” He says after kissing his nose and waving his hand in the airily.

JJ touches his nose and his mouth hangs open, “That’s not how, that’s not how-”  
  
“What?” Seung turns around, “Don't you come here often?”

  
JJ’s mouth somehow widens further, “Fuck.”  
  
Seung puts his earphones back and starts rotating his hips back and forth, JJ grumbles in the background.

"I can't believe you're playing me like this..." Seung gives him a thumbs up with a blank expression, JJ sighs and says he'll get him double flowers next time or something.


End file.
